We are going to have a baby very soon! Many emotions are stirring in our house including a new one this morning...fear? Am I allowed to be a little bit scared the second time around? I hope so because when I realized this morning that we could have this baby any day now and I am two weeks away from the due date, I felt a tinge of fear or maybe it is anxiety! I guess it is just one of the many emotions racing through me.
I am crying tears of joy and excitement regularly now and this morning, I cried a few tears of anxiety as I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I am not afraid of the labor or delivery...I feel prepared for her actual birth, but it is the logistics surrounding the birth and bringing a newborn home that are creating this anxiety today. We have not taken a hospital tour or even finished packing the hospital bag and I still have not finished the birth plan. My house is not as clean as I would like it to be, her new baby clothes are not washed, her bedding is not washed, and I still have not purchased a nursing bra or nursing pads! I seem to have forgotten that my boobs are about to overflow with milk! I know these are just little details, but I am usually a lot more on top of these things as a Type A personality. I can not believe that I have not organized and color coded every item in Elizabeth's closet in preparation for her arrival yet! Maybe I just have to let that stuff go this time. I was overly prepared for Sophie's arrival with lists posted everywhere and had three bags packed and in the car months prior to her birth. I laugh at myself and how crazy it is that I am so "unprepared" by my personal standards for this birth. God must be trying to teach me a little something because it can not just be coincidental that the two women (my mom and my mother-in-law) that I was counting on to help me with these details will be unable to help out! My mom fell and broke two bones in her wrist and arm and had surgery last week and will be recovering for the next 6 weeks minimum and obviously will need some extra help herself. And Clint's mom will not be able to travel here in the days or weeks following Elizabeth's birth either. How will I do this without the moms? I guess I will be forced to "wing it" some which is a little terrifying for me, but at the same time a great way to force myself to depend on the Lord for his provision!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest via the blog posting and please forgive my crazy pregnancy rantings. I do feel better now and my husband will be pleased that I did not dump all of this on him when he walks in the door this evening from work :).